My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
