i wish my penis had a tongue
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
