wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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