i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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