I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
