at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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