thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
