it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
