you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
