i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
