it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
