I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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