I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
