last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
What drink are we having for lunch?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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