I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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