Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
