its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
