I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
