I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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