We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
