We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
