i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
