i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
