You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
