it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
