I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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