ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
