Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
