Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
