it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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