Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
