i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
