Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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