why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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