We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
