my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
