K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
