What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
