We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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