Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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