Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
