she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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