me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
