At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
