I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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