kristin has been a bad kristin
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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