Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
