Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
