I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
