OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I am midnight drunk by noon
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
